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LESSON 14
NOT TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY
Also, do not take to heart everything people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. For many times, also, your own heart has known that even you have cursed others. -Ecclesiastes 7:21
Why is it significant to not take things personally? It is significant because it is an immature and speculative form of communication often times we don’t know the intent of someone’s communication without clarity; let alone the intent of someone’s nonverbal communication. The real issue with taking things personally starts with our perception, often times our perception can be spot on, however, a majority of the time it is an intuitive understanding, an insight which doesn’t always come with the facts.
What does it mean to not take things personally? We see through our own filter and no one else is responsible for the way we interpret life. When we discover the drama triangle and how we play in it, we are able to determine if that is a place we want to remain in. Often times we get sucked in it. But remember there is nothing, no circumstances, no trouble, no testing that can ever touch you until, first of all, it has gone past God, past Christ, right through to you. If you are someone who reads between the lines or finds yourself taking things personally, that wasn’t intended for you, there’s hope! You can break free and live free while giving others the benefit of the doubt. Stewing over others words is detrimental for our mental and emotional health.
Always remember, God has called you into something greater. He is always writing a bigger story than what we can see at the moment. The enemy works tirelessly to keep us in the small narrative of the daily dramas of life because he fears who we will become if we dare to believe in the purpose and the promises that God has for us. God wants to do in us and through us above and beyond all we could ever ask or imagine. (Ephesians 3:20-22)
In Paul’s letter to the believers in Rome he reminds them who they are, because of who Jesus is. You are an Overcomer, and not taking things personally is within your birthright for victory.
Romans 8:31-34,38-39:
What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own son gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one-for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one-for Christ Jesus died for us, and was raised to life for us and he is sitting in the place of honor at Gods, right hand, pleading for us.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither Angel, nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below- indeed, nothing and all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed Christ Jesus our Lord.
Going Deeper in the Word
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10
If we live to please man, we will always be miserable because we can never make everyone happy. But if we live to serve Christ, we can rest assured that He honors our efforts and delights in our weaknesses, because those areas encourage us to seek Him for strength. God does not expect perfection—we were never intended to “be enough” without Him. He knows that our journey toward wholeness is a lifelong process and we need Him to walk with us every step of the way.
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:24-25
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as the pathway to peace; taking, as Jesus did, the sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen. – The Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr
God has revealed through these simple prayers, that we can’t control what others say and do, but we can choose how we respond. We can assume the negative, take things personally, and react defensively, or we can respond with intention. There is tremendous power in our response.
When we assume the negative and allow the words of others to take root or hold us in contempt, it is an indication of spiritual and emotional immaturity. When we refuse to stand corrected, it is an indication of pride, which Proverbs 16:18 warns will lead to destruction.
“A fool’s mouth lashes out with pride, but the lips of the wise protect them.” Proverbs 14:3
May we be wise men and women whose lips let no corrupting talk come out of our mouths, but instead choose words that speak life (Eph 4:29, Proverbs 15:4).
It is not our job to defend, judge, or take revenge. God cautions us to not repay evil with evil (Romans 12:17). He calls us, if it is possible, as far as it depends on us, to live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:19). And He advises us to leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord (Romans 12:19). When we invite God to be our defender, the daggers of others can’t penetrate. We can walk away with our heads held high, knowing we are doing what is right in God’s eyes.
Another truth that helps calm our spirits is to remember that God made us all different (Ps 139:13-14). People have different ways of talking, different outlooks on life, different points of view, different manners of speech delivery, and different preferences. We must account for all of these things when we feel personally offended. Once we accept this in our heart, we will be more quick to forgive and to overlook any minor offenses that come our way. Someone may not be sinning against you, they may just be different than you. Remember, you are different too!
Tips/Nuggets
Also, do not take to heart everything people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. For many times, also, your own heart has known that even you have cursed others. Ecclesiastes 7:21
Why is it significant to not take things personally?
It is significant because it is an immature and speculative form of communication. Often times we don’t know the intent of someone’s communication without clarity; Let alone the intent of someone’s nonverbal communication (body language). The real issue with taking things personally starts with our “Perception.”
What does it mean to not take things personally?
We see through our own filter, and no one else is responsible for the way we interpret life. Can you imagine how often your feelings get hurt and no one other than you even knows? When you have a feeling of being left out or discriminated against or you’re not good enough, when you get rejected by friends and loved ones, we take it all personally and think someone else’s drama is really about us. It’s all perception. Everything is done unto us as we believe, therefore we must practice the inner work of our communication.
How can you benefit from not taking things personally?
When we don't take things personally, it gives us more power over our thoughts, feelings, and actions. When we don't take things personally, we recognize the individuality of others, their uniqueness and we accept that other people are different from us. It keeps you free from the “drama triangle”.
A lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talked to each other, instead of about each other.
Resources
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